


Jealous

by OceansDeep54



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Crying, First writing, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Panic attack (I think?), gimme pointers, hope you like it, probably sucks, slight angst, these tags are a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 16:48:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11444976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OceansDeep54/pseuds/OceansDeep54
Summary: After the squip incident and the Christine and Jeremy phase, Michael and Jeremy end up getting together after all (everyone betted on it anyways). Michael then learns that he can express feelings through song writing and he creates one in hopes of one day using it to explain to Jeremy his fears. Little does he know that one day while practicing, he's got an unexpected audience.Sorry I really suck at summaries.Characters might be a little ooc but I hope you like it anyways.





	Jealous

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first writing on this website and I'm hoping is good for other readers. It's just kinda something I threw together after going through ideas. I do have to put a claimer in here though: the song lyrics that are written down in here are completely 100% all mine. I created them they are from nowhere else but my head. All rights reserved so please refrain rom using them without my permission, thanks. So I hope you like this scrappy little thing :)

After all that had happened at the play Michael and Jeremy ended up getting even closer than before. The whole ordeal with Jeremy and Christine barely lasted even a month as the two found out that there just was nothing there. No hard feelings were kept as it was mutual between the two, but when the two split, Michael and Jeremy became paired at the hip. Everyone claimed that if you saw one of them the other wasn't far behind. Of course all of their friends had called early on that eventually the two would become smart enough to date, which they did. 

But still there's always something in the silence between them when they're laying down together on the couch in Michaels basement watching a rom-com at night. A slight uneasiness in their hellos and goodbyes. They both have their reasons. Michael wants so bad to tell Jeremy what bothers him, but he's afraid he'd ruin everything they've worked so hard to build back up again. 

After Michael's panic attack in the bathroom at the Halloween party last year, he learned that he could express his feeling through song writing easily. No one else knew about this. Not even Jeremy. So Michael, being the nerd he is, decided to try and write out what he felt trying to explain to Jeremy. 

Jeremy that day had planned on coming over that evening to stay with Michael for the weekend. Michael knew if he wanted to get this done he had to work quick. Luckily, he knew just exactly what he wanted to say.

 

Jeremy walked in through Michael's front door, bag in hand, when he began to hear the soft picking of Michael's acoustic. 

'Must be practicing another cover.' He had thought to himself. A small smile played across his lips at the thought of his boyfriend playing softly with his eyes closed as he murmured the lyrics to a song. He began to make his way towards the basement door when he heard the picking pattern turn into single strums. He quietly cracked open the door enough to slip in unnoticed. Michael started singing the lyrics, unaware of his newfound audience. 

"I'm jealous of the way you hold his hand/ envious enough to get in between." Michael sang softly to a down strum each cord change. Jeremy stopped as he truly began to listen to the lyrics Michael was singing. 

"I thought it was me you loved/ I'm guessing I was wrong." Jeremy's brow began to crease as he felt the emotion behind the lyrics Michael was pouring out, doing the same one down strum in each different chord. He leans slightly to catch more of the words. 

"I'm jealous of the way you've moved on." Michael floats out the last bit into the air oblivious as ever to the other person in the room. Jeremy's face had taken on a look of grief as the last words of the song sunk into him with its meaning. Michael had his head low, his right thumb absentmindedly fiddling with the 5th and 6th string of the acoustic. Jeremy made his way down the rest of the stairs deciding now was the time to make his presence known. He spoke out softly as he reached the last step. 

"Michael?" He asked quietly. Michael spun around in a hurry to catch sight of a concerned Jeremy with a look he couldn't quite read on his face. Jeremy dropped his bag onto the floor and stood there frozen. Michael's eyes widened in horror as he realized he must have heard the song he was working on to complete. Terror began to seize him up right then and there. 

Michael let out a harsh and shaky breath as he nearly tossed his guitar to the side while moving to stand up. His eyes never left Jeremy's as he tried to work up an excuse or just something to say to fill in the silence, but he choked on his thoughts and stumbled on his words. Jeremy noticed this immediately. 

"J-Jeremy. Oh my- god, did you- hear, did y-you hear all of th-that?" He managed to stutter out in whispered panic. His eyes searched Jeremy's frame frantically looking for anything that showed he was angry or mad at Michael but all he saw was what looked like guilt. He started stepping back away from Jeremy realizing that it's his fault that he's like this. All his fault. 

"God Jeremy I d-didn't even hear you come in. You weren't s-supposed to hear that. I-m sorry." Michael rushed out in a single breath. His whole frame began to shake with dread. Jeremy snapped out of his stupor seeing that he needed to comfort his boyfriend. He began to make his way towards him. 

"No. No, Michael no. It's okay, it's okay. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm not mad I swear. I'm just-" his words stuttered for a second as he thought of how to word his next thought. "Michael, baby you didn't do anything wrong. I'm just...sad." He said finishing his sentence. Now Jeremy was just a foot or so away from Michael who had began to breath harder as he thought of every way he had managed to mess everything up. He shook his head violently. 

"Jeremy I'm sorry, you weren't supposed to hear that. I'm an idiot I should've heard you. What was I thinking..." Michael began muttering starting to close in on himself. He brought his hands up to his hair as his already quick breaths increased and his tremors doubling. He was hyperventilating.

Jeremy watched in near horror as tears began to escape his eyes and rolled down his tan colored cheeks. He snapped out of it enough to race forward and sit in front of Michael. He was hiding his face behind his hands, knowing he doesn't want Jeremy to see him like this. 

Jeremy slowly placed his hands on top of his hand gently began to pry away his fingers. Michael begrudgingly one by one let them be taken away, but he still held his head downcast hiding his face with tears streaming down them, shoulders jumping with little hiccups. 

"Oh Michael, no baby, it's okay. Please, please don't cry." Jeremy whispers to him sweetly, coaxing him to raise his head up to lock eyes with him. Red rimmed irises with glassy tears landed onto his as he reached up a hand to cup his cheek and stroked his cheekbone with his thumb, a small smile gracing his lips.

Michael squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself not to look at someone he believes who deserves the world. And someone who's better. A whimper escaped between his lips as he felt fingers carding through his thick hair. He tried to shake his head out of the hand holding him but it traveled down to the back of his neck and rested there playing with the curling hair at the nape of his neck. Then slowly it began to draw him forward towards Jeremy. 

He resisted slightly until more pressure was applied making him give in and having his forehead brush against Jeremy's. He still refused to open his eyes. Small hiccups caught his breath here and there. Suddenly, gentle strokes of Jeremy's thumbs fluttered over his eyelids. The sensation of the touch surprised him enough he slowly opened his eyes. 

Bright blue eyes were staring right back into his with barely an inch between them. Michael's breath caught in his throat. 

"Breathe, Michael. Just breathe for me." Michael minutely nods his head following along with the deep breaths Jeremy demonstrated for him. Within a few minutes his breath had slowed and his tremors had lessened as Jeremy continued to entangle his fingers in the hair at his nape. 

"You okay?" Jeremy asked softly. 

"Yeah." 

"You ready to talk?" 

"...okay." 

Jeremy leans back enough to get a full view of Michael's tear stained face. Michael kept his eyes downcast. Two hands came up to rest against his sides with fingers dancing over the side of his ribs. 

"Hey, look at me?" 

Michael almost shifts his gaze but remains still. 

"What, am I just not good lookin enough for you anymore?" Jeremy asks in a joking manner. 

Michael shoots up immediately.

"No no no! You're handsome, you're amazing, of course you're good looking! God, you just deserve someone so much better...than me..." Michael's rant trails off at the end as he sees Jeremy's reaction to his words. 

It's not anything he expected.

"Michael is this what this whole thing is about? The song? Are you- are you scared that I'll leave?" Jeremy pleads to him. Michael doesn't know how to respond, his mind saying one thing but his mouth saying nothing.

"Y-yeah." He stutters out eventually. 

"Michael, what made you think that?" He asked. 

"It's just, ever since the whole squip fiasco and the whole Christine thing I've been on the back burner for the longest time. You forgot about me Jeremy and at first, I was so, so mad. But then I thought, what if it's because of me? What if I'm the reason you're leaving me? That it's not the others who are pulling you away with them. That it's me, because of what I am. I'm not cool and I'm not exactly interesting. You seem like you could've gone with anybody else and yet you chose me. Why?" Michael choked out the last the last question, a fresh wave of tears resting on the brink of his eyes threatening to spill over. 

Jeremy looked on with guilt, realizing that all this time he was constantly hurting Michael and he thought it was all his fault. He exhaled shakily. As he was about to speak his words got caught in his throat and he slapped a hand over his mouth to stop the sob pounding in his throat to come out. Instead, a lone tear rolls down his right cheek slowly. 

Michael freezes. Then hell breaks loose. 

"No, Jeremy. God, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm not worth it I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sor-" Michael's sobs get broken off as his face is shoved into Jeremy's neck by a sturdy hand. The other wraps around his waist pulling his body close to the other boy's. 

"Michael stop. You have done nothing wrong. I should be apologizing. I am so sorry. I cannot believe that I put you through that. You don't deserve it. I don't deserve you. But Michael, I love you so, so much. That you've got to believe. That at least." Jeremy pleaded with him, tears of his own beginning to run, too. 

Michael sniffs loudly while bringing on another wave of tears. 

"I'm sorry." He whispers into Jeremy's neck. 

"I love you." He whispers back. 

"I'm sorry." Michael chokes. 

"I love you." Jeremy says again. 

"I'm so sorry." Michael wails out. 

"Shh shh shh. I love you, I love you, I love you," Jeremy coaxes, running his hand down the back of his hair and neck soothing him. "Repeat that." 

"Okay," Michael whispers. Jeremy grins at that. "I love you, too." His face pulls into a soft smile. 

"Good to know." Jeremy's says reeling back enough to look at Michael. He lets out a tiny smile, tears still sitting on his cheeks. Jeremy takes his thumbs and brushes the salt tracks away. 

"You're too adorable to cry. So stop." Jeremy claims as he kisses the top of Michael's head. Michael smiles at this. 

"Hey, uh, I'm actually working on another song, too. I mean, only if you wanna hear it. It's not very good...or finished...you probably don't wanna hear it so just forget I said anyt-" Michael's rambling ceased as Jeremy draws him into a kiss. Their eyelids flutter closed as Jeremy tilts his head deepening the kiss letting his fingers brush behind Michael's ears. Michael wraps his arms around Jeremy's neck letting out a contented sigh as he sags into the near embrace. Jeremy breaks away first. 

"Of course I wanna hear it dummy. Cmon let's get up." He says as he stands and helping Michael off the floor. They walk back over to his guitar and the bean bag chair. Michael settles in with the instrument on his lap. His head dips down low as he positions his fingers in the strings knowing just how he wants it. 

A complex picking pattern floods out of his fingers shifting from chord to chord for the song's intro. Then it turns to sing string picking as he begins the first verse. 

"I fell in love with the sky tonight looking at the stars/ wondering if you love them too wherever you are/ a traveler who walks by faith and not by sight/ holds the constellations in his eyes." Michael floats the first two verses eyes down cast but concentrated. Jeremy just listens in pure ecstasy as he focuses on the rise and fall of his voice. Then he begins the chorus. 

"Give me a path to follow/ a trail once again to walk/ fill me up no longer hollow/ take my hand and take me Home." Michael belts out the chorus as it lands right in his wheelhouse and letting the riffing in his voice glide through with the notes and chords colliding. He goes back to playing the lick at the intro, ending it on a 5th note, suspense of the chord hanging in the air. 

Jeremy positions himself just behind Michael peppering sweet kisses along the back of his neck. 

"That was beautiful," he says in between kisses. "Just like you are." He speaks into his ear just before reaching a round and landing a kiss on the underside of his ear. A shudder runs through Michael's body as Jeremy's breath cascades across his neck. Michael turns around to face Jeremy, guitar put to the side. 

"So, you liked it?" He asked nervously. 

"I loved it." Jeremy replies with a chaste kiss to his lips. Michael breaks out a small grin. Jeremy laughs and tackles him onto the other bean bag. He lands on top of Michael straddling his hips. 

"You're amazing, you know? I mean, it's completely obvious." Jeremy says in a playful tone. Michael sighs dramatically. 

"Yeah yeah whatever." He dismisses. Jeremy takes his face in both his hands and kisses him lightly.

"I love you. So believe me when I say it, okay?" Jeremy says seriously.

Michael locks his gaze with the other boys. He reached up a hand and strokes his cheekbone. He smiles. 

"Okay."

**Author's Note:**

> If y'all could give me feedback that'd be great and don't be afraid to message me and ask for a writing. I'll write just about anything on whatever I can. So yeah if you made it down this far thx for read and leave kudos. Gracias :) and hit me up at Tumblr for requests and whatnot @blue-eyes-writes


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